Funny Jokes Blog

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.” “Why […]

A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender looks at the guy and asks: “What’s wrong with your turtle? ” “Not […]

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem? ” “My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.” “Gee, that’s tough,” he replied. “Then in July,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving […]

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced “a typical Texas baby” weighing twenty pounds. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, “Aren’t you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty […]

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy. Then, the guy […]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. […]

Ever hear the expression “hard drinker” ? Never made much sense to me, drinking’s one of the easiest things in the world to do.

A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever. “Hey,” says the bartender, “No dogs allowed in the bar.” “Oh please? ,” begs the customer. You see, you’re playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals.” “You’re trying to tell me that this here dog […]

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. “Say,” he said to the bartender, “how tall is a penguin? ” “About two and a half feet.” “Thank God!” cried Monahan. “I thought I ran over a nun!”