Funny Jokes Blog » Biologist jokes

While driving down a ..

Mike — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 06:17:39 +0000

While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd “Jimmy” and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, “When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you? ” The first guy, a well known botanist says, “I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world.” The second guy, an ornithologist, says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations.” The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, “I would like to hear them say… ‘LOOK, HE’S MOVING!!!’ “

How many biologists ..

Mike — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 07:36:30 +0000

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

A University had advertised ..

Mike — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 17:56:38 +0000

A University had advertised for two biologists to help in their mammalogy department, specifically with a group of captive grizzly bears. They had only two applicants – a beautiful young women biologist and an older male biologist. The mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can handle working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen. He first asked the young women to show him what she could do. She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest bear walked up and nuzzled her bare legs. The astonished mammalogist then said to the old man, “Can you do that? ” “You’re darn right I can,” said the old man, “just get that bear out of there first !”

Garvin the mammalogist, ..

Mike — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 17:06:17 +0000

Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town. On one particular day it was 40 below zero and Garvin made his way into the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a whiskey. “I don’t know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big bill in here.” The bartender told him. ” I know,” Garvin replied, “But I’m flat broke, and I sure could use a drink. “OK,” The barkeep told him, “I’ll just write your tab down on the piece of paper and pin it up here by the coat rack.” “Oh no, don’t do that, I don’t want everyone in town to see it. “Don’t worry,” The bartender replied, “I’m going to cover it up with your parka until its paid!”

An 8th grade boy was ..

Mike — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 09:30:02 +0000

An 8th grade boy was doing some research for his career report at school. He asks his dad, “Father, how many wildlife biologists work for the Federal Government? ” “The honest father replies, “Oh, I would say at least half of ‘em.”

Ben was assigned a new ..

Mike — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 17:42:41 +0000

Ben was assigned a new wildlife technician and she was driving him crazy. She was blonde and pretty and insisted on carrying beauty products in a little field bag – nail polish, hair care products, gels, creams and so on. One day they were driving the rugged four-wheel drive down a dirt road when a big rabbit ran in front of them and was hit by the truck. Ben pulls over and walks back to the dead rabbit. He felt terrible, but there was clearly nothing he could do for the dead creature. His blonde partner pipes in and yells, “Waite, I have just the thing!” She races back to the truck and begins to rifle through her beauty products. Ben watches as brushes and combs fly from the bag. Finally she races back with an aerosol can and sprays the dead rabbit with it’s contents. Immediately the rabbit springs to its feet, waves goodbye, hops a few feet, pauses and waves again. The rabbit repe ats this strange behavior…wave-hop-wave-hop, until it disappears over the hill. Ben is amazed and asks, “What in the world is in that can? ” The blonde biologists says, ” Duh…look at the label” You guessed it…. “Hair Spray …. Immediately revives dead hair and creates a permanent wave”

Dan had been studying ..

Mike — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 23:07:37 +0000

Dan had been studying whales for over 20 years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds and to translate them into English. His latest research had proved that they can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked what could they possibly have to say at such distances he replied, “As best as we can figure, it is something like – Hey, can you hear me now?

A young college student ..

Mike — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 19:03:03 +0000

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc. The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor’s desk and said, “What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs? ” With that the student threw his test on the professor’s desk an d walked out the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn’t know every student’s name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, “Mister, what’s your name? ” The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, “You guess, buddy! You guess!”

A biologist from the ..

Mike — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 10:44:59 +0000

A biologist from the North Pole was showing a new recruit the ropes of a polar bear radio tracking program. The new recruit said, “I know how the transmitters work, but I have one question–how do you catch the polar bears in the first place? ” “I bet you use high-powered tranquilizer dart guns, right? ” “Oh no!” the experienced biologist replied, “we use an ancient Eskimo technique, developed centuries ago. First, we dig a huge hole in the ice. Next, we place a circle of green peas all the way around the hole. Then, we go hide behind some ice blocks and wait. Finally, when a polar bear comes up to take a pea, we kick him in the ice-hole !!!”

Q: what’s a biologists ..

Mike — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:26:09 +0000

Q: what’s a biologists definition of a graph A: an animal with a long neck