Funny Jokes Blog

What diploma do criminals get? The third degree.

Why are burglars such good tennis players ? Because they spend such a lot of their time in courts !

Why would someone in jail want to catch the measles? So he could break out.

What kind of thief steals meat? A hamburglar.

What’s another word for a murderer who kills old ladies? A Killergran.

The criminal mastermind found one of his gang sawing the legs off his bed. “What are you doing that for? ” demanded the crook boss. “Only doing what you ordered,” said the stupid thug. “You told me to lie low for a bit!”

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. “Shall I run and get it for you? ” asked the prisoner obligingly. “You must think I’m daft,” said the officer. “You stand here and I’ll get it.”

A boy is in a prison cell with no windows and no doors: there are no holes in the ceiling or trapdoors in the floor, yet in the morning the jailers find him gone. How did he get out ? Through the doorway – there were no doors remember !

It was Rocky’s first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were in their cells and he was trying to become a bit more comfortable with his meager surroundings. As he leaned against the bars at the front of his cell, Rocky heard a voice call out “44″ and the whole cell block erupted into laughter! Another voice called “16″ and again there was laughter. A third voice called “62″ which was followed by laughter throughout the block. Rocky didn’t know what was going on so he rapped on his cell wall. “Yeah, whaddaya want? ” came the gruff reply from next door. “What’s going on, here? ” asked Rocky. “Well,” said the other inmate, “down in the prison library there’s only one joke book. We’ve all read the book so many times that we don’t waste time telling the joke, we just call out it’s number.” So the next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found r the yellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from cover to cover. That night, wanting to be part of the group, Rocky confidently called out “44″ and everyone laughed! He tried calling “16″ and “62″ and again there were peals of laughter. Then he called 57, and the halls rang with laughter. After several minutes, one prisoner was still rolling on the floor laughing. More minutes – still laughing. Rocky rapped on the cell wall. “Yeah, waddaya want? ” asked the other inmate. “I don’t understand it,” asked Rocky, “Why is Bill still laughing? ” “Well,” said the gruff inmate, “He never heard that one before!”

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, “Englander,your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off.” The English prisoner said, “Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing? ” The German replied, “Ya, that vill not be a problem.” A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, “Well, could drop it over England like you did last time? ” “Ya, that vill be done,” says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, “Well, could you do the same as before? ” The German replies, “Vhy, ya.” The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. “Well,” begins the Brit, “could you just…” The German snapped , “No! We think you are trying to escape!”