Funny Jokes Blog

My brother’s a professional boxer. Heavyweight ? No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !

Why do you want to be buried at sea? Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon ? Because he was dead !

When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave ? Rust in peace !

A man is calling on his best friend to pay a condolence call the day after the friend’s wife has died. When he knocks on the door, he gets no answer, so he decides to go in and see if everything is all right. Upon entering the house, the man discovers his friend in the living room kissing a mate. “Jack”, says the man, “Your wife just died yesterday!!” His friend looks up and says, “In this grief, do you think I know what I’m doing? ”

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ? Because he didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !

What is the last thing you eat before you die? You bite the dust.

Did you hear about the do-it-yourself funeral? They just loosen the earth and you sink down by yourself.

What did the little kid do with the dead battery? He buried it.

First ghoul: You don’t look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I’m dead on my feet.