Funny Jokes Blog

Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights. And how long have you had this complaint? Who wants to know?

A psychologist returned from a confrence in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permited to ski for free. Her husband asked her, “How it went? ”. She replied, “Fine, but I’ve never seen so many Freudians slips.”

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet? ” “You’re fine, how am I? “

“The trouble is,” said the entertainer to the psychiatrist, “that I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I can’t tell jokes, I can’t act, I can’t play an instrument or juggle or do magic tricks or do anything!” “Then why don’t you give up show business? ” “I can’t - I’m a star!”

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy? ” “Sadness,” said the student. And the opposite of depression? ” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. “Elation,” said she. “And you […]

Doctor, doctor, I feel so short! No problem. Hop up on the couch.

“Great news, Mr. Oscarson,” the psychiatrist reported. “After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You’ll never be trapped by the desire to steal again.” “Gee, that’s great, Doc,” the patient replied. “And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way […]

Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I’ve got hundreds of them.

Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate? Psychiatrist: You’ve got multiple personalities.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a spoon. Sit there and don’t stir.