January 21st, 2008
If a fly has no wings ..
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
January 21st, 2008
A wealthy investor walked ..
A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.” The banker said, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”
January 21st, 2008
Charley wanted to buy ..
Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn’t figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type ‘Happy Birthday’
January 21st, 2008
Frankenstein: Help, ..
Frankenstein: Help, I’ve got a short circuit! Igor: Don’t worry, I’ll lengthen it.
January 21st, 2008
A cop pulls over a carload ..
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow? ” Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.” Cop: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on! Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful. At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something terrible. Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.
January 21st, 2008
The room was full of ..
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. “Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher. “Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!” The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. “Yes? ” asked the instructor. “Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk? ”
January 21st, 2008
Denied membership in ..
Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said “Hell, I’m no actor, and I’ve got thirty movies to prove it!”
January 21st, 2008
A blonde was taking ..
A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The blonde exclaimed, “Wow! I can’t believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!”
January 21st, 2008
Did you hear about the ..
Did you hear about the monster who lost all his hair in the war? He lost it in a hair raid.